conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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