Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have post one night stand depression
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
