He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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