There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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