Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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