it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
