Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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