She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
