i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
