apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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