I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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