I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
