i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
