you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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