Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
