I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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