I faked an abortion last night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
