I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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