Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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