Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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