watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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