I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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