No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
