boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize