sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
