it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
