my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
