A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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