Just fell off a train. Bad.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
