I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm like, not good at living.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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