During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
where are my eyebrows?
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