I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
