I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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