do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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