is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
