Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
