You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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