theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
