I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
