You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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