The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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