did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
