Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
