You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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