Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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