on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
