last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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