Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
