I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
