I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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