I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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