Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
