Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.

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(425): View more from Washington

I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

(425): View more from Washington

I want to be you.

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(417): View more from Missouri

After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing

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(678): View more from Georgia

After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".

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(713): View more from Texas

So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood

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