her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
