I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
