Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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