I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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