are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
