ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
