just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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