I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
