Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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