she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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